Inconsiderate people
In the beautiful town of Burnaby, British Columbia, is a subway above ground called the "Skytrain". The arrival and departure times on the board have been off lately. Whatever.
At 6:20AM I was on the escalator, standing, as the stairs mechanically did the work of taking me up the stairs. It's early in the morning. Fuck walking (or rather, climbing).
Not eager to catch the train arriving earlier than it should (out of spite), I waited on the stairs. Then I heard a voice from beneath me. "Train coming! Train coming!"
I looked behind me, to find an old Asian woman with a tall grocery cart full of black garbage bags. Her mission for the day was clear; collecting fucking cans out of peoples' recycling bins. Good for you.
The problem was; by the time I would have JUST made the train, it would have been packed; leaving no seat or place to stand with a window view, left awkwardly looking at people without "looking at them" for the next 10 minutes before my stop.
I was pissed off. Of course the dumb bitch didn't take the elevator; she HAD to WALK up the escalator, hauling her cart up with her that probably weighed half as much as she did, to make it to the soonest train, on her urgent mission to collect fucking cans all day.
So, since there was no space for her to pass by me (and she couldn't take the elevator because of her fucking deadlines, right???) I had no choice but to WALK up the escalator, to humor her so she could make it to THIS specific train. Waiting 3 minutes for the next one was not optional.
This is why I lose faith in humanity sometimes. How can someone be so fucking selfish?? Like really. HOW SELFISH CAN YOU BE??????
People walking on the other side of the sidewalk
THIS. Why do people do this? Here in North America, we drive on the right side of the road. The same logic should apply to public walking spaces. This isn't fucking Europe, or wherever else you may have came from. Then they have the gull to expect YOU to move out of the way. FUCK YOU!!
Now, I'm not completely heartless. Force of habit, right? We're all guilty of this. Maybe you have guests over, and you forgot you left a random porno on the TV as your guests walk in. It happens. HOWEVER. You only get one chance. One pass. After that, you're an asshole. Or a bitch. Whatever.
These types of people deserve special treatment. I hope, with all of my heart and soul, that a bird flies over you and drops a massive shit on your nice suit that you just got out of the dry cleaner's. Or, perhaps there's a drunk nearby, who fumbles his beer, and spills it all over your brand new dress you just bought for date night.
You get the picture. Something very special like this NEEDS to happen to these people. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!
Pigeons Are Actually Government Spies
Look at them. Really look at them. The jerky head movements? Calibrating lenses. The cooing? Encrypted data transmission. I've been tracking their flight patterns over the local Starbucks and the correlation between their droppings and the fluctuation of crypto markets is undeniable. I made a song about this, btw. The song is called "Birds Are LIes". It's on my Youtube channel; which can be found on our Contact page.
Wake up, sheeple. The breadcrumbs are a lie.
People can be absolutely fucked
I was walking downtown after getting a few drinks one night. This random, shady looking motherfucker walked up to me, asking if I could buy him a box of cereal; in exchange for $20 worth of crack. SERIOUSLY?? Do I look like I'm tweaking? Do I look like I'm part of the crack head crowd? Wtf is wrong with you? Since you're asking; no. I did not buy him a box of cereal in exchange for crack. I told him "I'm good". Then walked away. Now I'm here bitching about it. I hope this has changed your life in some profound, meaningful way. It certainly changed mine.